I felt angry and unhappy when I woke up. Jealousy coursed through my blood. My husband had bought several new expensive items and planned a hike on the Appalachian Trail with our son. Meanwhile, I felt sorry for myself; I didn’t have a fun vacation on the horizon, nor had I treated myself to any pricey equipment.
Can’t, Don’t, or Won’t
If we depend on our husbands to supply all our physical and emotional needs, we will inevitably face disappointment. We will have times when our family won’t say what we hoped or provide the support we believe we need.
It’s easy to become sidetracked and believe untruths, such as the notion that we’re less fortunate because we can’t, don’t, or won’t obtain what others acquire. We blame our guys because we lack an object or a privilege, then treat them disrespectfully. We turn our attention entirely on ourselves.
Unfortunately, our natural reaction often includes complaints, criticism, and disrespectful comments. The Bible tells us to, “Do everything without grumbling or complaining!” (Philippians 2:14)
What Do You Want
Amidst my complaints, the Lord interrupted me: He asked me if I believed in truths or lies? Did I expect life to be tit for tat? My spouse buys something, and I expect I should make a similar one.
God asked me, “What do you really need, Joyce?” I pondered a while and contemplated my answer to the question. I had concentrated so much on my husband’s fun that I had no idea what would meet my needs.
What would put a smile on your face? Personally, I didn’t want to go on a six-day hike, and my body wouldn’t handle a round of golf. I did appreciate the riding lawnmower and my husband, who mows our lawn.
The question still reverberated through my head. What would bring me pleasure or a sense of purpose?
My list didn’t include expensive purchases, but it contained many things I found appealing. I planned to get a library card and enjoy an afternoon reading a novel. I scheduled an appointment for a pedicure and looked forward to a leisurely drive through a nearby town to explore the local stores. I tried shopping online and ordered a replacement toaster for our thirty-year-old model. Eventually, I found a singing group.
Small Pleasures
When we determine what makes us smile, it often requires minimal effort to incorporate those things into our daily lives. It’s the small pleasures: coffee on the front porch, pictures of the grandkids, a new library card, or a text from a friend who says she’s praying for you.
I planted deer-resistant lantana in my front garden and added a layer of mulch to the flower beds. To top off my list of simple joys, I bought some frozen chocolate chip cookie dough and stored it in the freezer for a special occasion.
How to Stop Complaining
If you’re serious about reducing the amount you complain, here are some practical tips to help you succeed.
- Define what the word “complaint” means to you.
- Track how often you complain and what triggers those complaints.
- Distance yourself from chronic complainers.
- Turn complaints into solutions.
- Use the “But-God” technique to reframe your thoughts.
- Change “Have to” to “Get to” to adopt a more positive perspective.
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