Do you feel like your husband doesn’t listen? Many women struggle with communication, believing their husbands don’t understand their needs. Often, we seek comfort while men tend to focus on solutions, leading to misunderstandings. Poor communication is a common challenge in marriages, but there’s hope. After years of marriage, I’ve developed some practical strategies to enhance our conversations, helping both of us feel loved and understood.
A wise woman builds her house on a foundation of godly principles, and her house thrives. But the foolish one who lacks spiritual insight tears it down with her own hands by ignoring godly principles. ~ Proverbs 14:1 AMP
Help Him Hear You – 8 more ways we can get our husbands to listen more
1. Know When He Can Multitask
Multitasking can be a challenge for most of us, even if we think we’re skilled at it. After over forty years with my husband, I’ve learned to recognize when he can focus on a conversation while doing tasks. We often chat while washing and drying the dishes, which is a great way to reconnect, especially with company around. Long drives also offer a chance for deeper discussions about everything from daily life to future dreams.
Bottom Line: Learn when your husband can carry on a conversation while doing another task.
2. Leave Pauses in Your Conversation
We should incorporate pauses in our daily recaps to avoid long-winded explanations. Typically, men won’t interrupt out of politeness unless they’re upset. I listen to my girlfriends, but I sometimes interrupt out of excitement, and they usually don’t mind. In contrast, my husband views interruptions as disrespectful and prefers to listen without interjecting. To accommodate his preference, I break my updates into shorter segments.
Bottom Line: Leave pauses in your dialogue so both people can share their ideas.
3. Ask Him for His Opinion
When I don’t want my husband to solve my problems, I say, “I’m gathering information,” or “I’m looking for your opinion.” This way, he understands I’m seeking his thoughts rather than asking for a solution. Now, when I specifically ask for his suggestions, he shares his ideas, and I can choose whether to follow them. If I ask, “What do I do?” he expects me to act on his advice, so I consider how I present my issues based on what outcome I want: his opinion, a discussion, or a solution.
Bottom Line: Clearly express whether you want your husband to solve the problem or only seek an opinion.
4. Talk When Your Emotions Don’t Run High
When emotions run high, husbands often focus on our emotional responses rather than our words. Many believe tears are a form of manipulation, and when we lose control, we can become irrational. My husband knows I need him to hold me when I cry, which comforts me, even if he doesn’t catch all my words. However, emotional outbursts can have adverse consequences. It’s usually more effective to calm down, sort through our feelings, and discuss issues when we’re both composed and rational.
Bottom Line: Choose a time to share your problem with your husband when both of you can think clearly and calmly.
5. Don’t Expect Him to Be Interested in What Interests You
My husband loves to golf, and while I’m not a golfer. I learned enough vocabulary to discuss his game, including what a bogey and an eagle are. When I realized I needed a hobby of my own, I discovered Texas line dancing. After several surgeries, it felt amazing to dance without pain. I found my happy place. While he enjoys golf, I enjoy line dancing.
Bottom Line: Learn enough about what interests your husband to ask questions about it
6. Don’t Rush from One Topic to the Next
As women, we often jump from topic to topic without breaks, much like a plate of spaghetti. Pauses in our conversations help both of us focus on one topic, which makes it easier for my husband to follow my train of thought. If I’ve talked for a while, I try to summarize what I said. Since men typically engage with one topic at a time, it’s helpful to repeat key points if needed.
Bottom Line: Slow down, summarize, and ask questions for better discussions with your husband.
7. Realize That Nagging Is Counter-Productive
Husbands don’t respond well to nagging. To share my Honey Do List, I used sticky notes. For tasks like replacing a light bulb or digging holes for plants, I’d leave a note on the kitchen counter or his computer for urgent requests.
Bottom Line: Learn to ask your husband if he would do a specific task instead of telling him.
8. Stop Trying to Impress Him
Sometimes, we try too hard to impress our husbands, but they married us for who we are, not our accomplishments. They seek reassurance of our love and want to see how we’ll share our lives. Prioritizing dates and intimacy is essential, as it often leads to deeper conversations and enhances our marriages.
Bottom Line: Make time for romance and intimacy to keep your husband’s heart. Remember, actions speak louder than words.
Watch: When Waffles and Spaghetti Try to Communicate
