Fights, or disagreements, as my husband calls them, are healthy- all marriages have them. But most of us haven’t learned how to fight a good fight and bring harmony out of a disagreeable situation.
Instead, an argument erupts, and hurtful words and insults fly
If you want to enjoy life and see many happy days, keep your tongue from speaking evil. ~ 1 Peter 3:10.
If we want to change the pattern of continual fights over the same things, we must stop hurting each other, and a solution we agree is worth trying.
The Fight or Disagreement
My husband and I had a pesky issue that could quickly turn into a fight or discussion- you choose your term for a disagreement. We sat on the couch and used a sticky notepad as the designated “Floor.”
We kept on topic, listened carefully, and got through the discussion without lots of unnecessary emotion.
Pass the Floor
So, what’s the Floor?
I first learned about the Speaker – Listener technique, or as I remember, “Pass the Floor,” at a Family Life® Weekend to Remember. We were to practice conversing using the square on the back of the handbook with the word “Floor” printed on it.
The technique works like this:
- Sit facing each other without TV or other distractions.
- The Speaker has the “Floor” and talks while the Listener pays attention without interrupting. Taking notes may need to remember what they heard.
- Next, the Floor passes to the Listener, who becomes the Speaker and paraphrases what they heard, checking to make sure they heard correctly.
- Once the person understands what was said, they give their ideas and opinions.
- The conversation repeats with Passing the Floor each time the Speaker changes.
Some issues are so involved that couples may need several sessions of Pass the Floor before they reach a solution they agree to try.
Pass the Floor clears the air. Both sides express their views on the issues and ensure the other understands their option before working towards a joint resolution.
