When my husband and I had a controversial topic to discuss, we sat down on the couch and used a sticky note pad as the designated “Floor.” With this technique, we kept on topic, listened carefully, and got through the discussion without lots of unnecessary emotion.
We first learned about the Speaker–Listener technique, or as I remember it, “Having the Floor, “at a Family Life Weekend to Remember. The handbook had a square with the word “Floor” printed on it for us to punch out and use.
The technique works like this:
- Sit: facing each other with no TV or other distractions. Whoever holds the Floor is the Speaker, and the other person is the Listener.
- The Speaker makes their comments while the Listener pays close attention and doesn’t interrupt.
- When Speaker finishes, they pass the Floor to the Listener, who now becomes the Speaker. The new Speaker summarizes what they heard and asks if their summary is correct. If so, they can then give their thoughts and ideas. l
- If the summary was incorrect, the Floor goes back to the original Speaker, who tries to clarify what they said.
- The process repeats until each person feels they have been heard and understood.
- Once both people feel the other understands their point of view, they can take turns sharing their ideas on how to solve the issue. They continue to pass the Floor until they know what the other thinks will solve the problem.
- If their solutions don’t match, each person must determine what they are willing to compromise to find a solution they agree to try.
- If the two people don’t reach a reasonable solution, they need to plan to talk again once they’ve prayed about the issues. I encourage couples or whoever uses this technique to stay open to God as His solutions may be simple or creative.
Determine in your heart to focus on the best characteristics in the man you married and emphasize the positive attributes. Then, look for God to work in your lives as He slowly shaves off the rough edges on both of you.
Plan to have peaceful talks with your husband. Learn to argue well, listen to understand, and don’t give up until you arrive at conclusions that satisfy you both. After you reach a solution, celebrate by showing him how much you love him.
You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. ~James1:19
