Love bears all things regardless of what comes. ~ 1 Corinthians 12:7AMP

I want to look at this verse on how we bear all things. What do we do when we disagree? When should we speak up, and when should we remain quiet? How do we actually resolve our conflicts without quitting, especially with our husbands?

About five years ago, my husband and I argued until we reached a stalemate. He stood at one end of the bed, and I stood by the bedroom door. I put my hands on my hips and said, “You’re stuck with me. You can’t get out of it.”

He said, “You’re stuck with me, too.” We realized we had to stick together and work it out. I encourage you to make the same commitment to your partner, stick it out, and work it out. It’s worth it.

Do Not Tolerate Abuse

If you are in danger, seek a safe place away from your husband immediately. Do not tolerate abuse, whether immoral, illegal, or sexually or physically abusive actions. If you feel threatened, leave the area and get help. Consider speaking with a counselor, exploring temporary separation, or thinking of a more permanent solution.

Most of the time, when we persevere and work through the issues, we can figure out how to maintain our marriages. Does it happen quickly? No, it takes time to learn new skills and ways of responding.

Impasse Over Where We Went to Church

When my husband retired from the military, we relocated to the Hill Country of Texas. We visited many churches, but one smaller church my husband loved from our first visit, while I didn’t. It felt too strict for me.

A few people have told me I’m biblically strict, but I felt uncomfortable with unwritten expectations of the church my husband liked. Their views on proper clothing for women, jobs for women, the use of doctors and medication differed from my beliefs.

While we drove away after the service, I told my husband I didn’t like that particular church. He wanted to visit there again because he liked it, so I agreed. I wanted to please my husband and learn to bear it. Unfortunately, that didn’t work out well.

1. Stop the Criticism, Complaints, and Whining

My first step in resolving conflict was to slow down my complaints. My husband didn’t recognize the difference between a real problem and my complaints. Deep in my heart, I knew I didn’t want to join this group because of their doctrinal and lifestyle practices. I felt that I couldn’t do what my husband wanted and remain faithful to my beliefs. I complained, whined, and felt frustrated because it seemed I had no options. What do we do when we feel like we have none or limited options? Pray! God has answers for what seem like impossible situations.

Complaints are often our attempts to control our husbands. The less we do of it, the more often they will listen when we have a problem. I realize my complaints and criticisms didn’t help. My husband had heard me express my concerns to him before and understood my issues.

2. Look for Solutions

When it came time for a serious conversation about my problems with the small church, we needed a method to have a conversation where both of our points of view were heard. We decided to use the Speaker-Listener Technique, which we nicknamed “Pass the Floor.” 

In this technique, we used an object to pass between us as we talked. To maximize the effectiveness, we sat in chairs or on the couch facing each other. The Speaker holds the floor while sharing their thoughts, and the Listener pays close attention without interrupting. Once the Speaker finishes, they pass the floor to the Listener, and the roles reverse.

During the discussion, we focused on using ‘I’ sentences, such as “I feel,” “I think,” and “I want.” When we use phrases like “you said,” “you do,” and “you want,” our husbands often become defensive. However, when we express ourselves with “I” statements, it’s hard for our husbands to argue with what we feel or think. A few guys will say, “You don’t feel that way.” Then we have to affirm we actually do.

If you want to try the Speaker-Listener Technique, choose a time when you both feel calm and rested.

3. Determine What You Want

Before I talked about my solution with my husband, I had to figure out what bothered me and what I wanted. Most of the time, we understand the problem, but we don’t know what we want or what possibilities exist to solve it.

I found another church nearby with a ladies’ Bible study where I met women who shared my views. When my husband and I used the Speaker Listener Technique, I shared my ideas. In the end, we continued to attend the small church, while I participated in the weekday Bible study at the other church.

I ceased my complaints about the restrictions at the small church and didn’t try to change my beliefs to please my husband. I accepted responsibility for my problem and hoped to get my needs met through a Bible study at a different church.

Remember, a marriage consists of two individuals who come together to figure out how they can harmonize their differences. We don’t make the other person like us, but rather strive to combine our unique qualities and find effective ways we can work together.

4. Do A Fun or Different Activity

Do an activity together once a week where you spend two hours without the kids. Whether you spend time on the back porch, at the bowling alley, or on a walk around the neighborhood, it gives you and your husband time to talk. Plus, you get a break from the other stuff we deal with in our lives, and it lets you reunite as a couple.

Reflect on your relationship and recall a special time you shared as a couple. I’d like you to have many more of those, and you can with dates. Dating your mate is essential. Whether you spend time together on the couch, watching TV, sitting on the back porch with candy bars and soda, or going for a walk, visiting the donut shop, eating dinner out, or ordering takeout. 

Spend time together doing a fun activity once a week, and your communication skills will improve. Plus, you’ll have a new topic of conversation.

5. Practice Forgiveness

One of the best practices we’ve adopted over the last 47 years is learning to forgive quickly and often. I had to forgive my husband because he didn’t understand my problems with this particular church. I had felt stuck and like I had no other options. I prayed, and God opened my eyes to other solutions, which He has done repeatedly throughout the years. God can make a way even when we don’t see a way forward. I’ve seen Him do it repeatedly.

Love is not a quitter based on 1 Corinthians 13:7 AMP.

Watch: Love Is Not A Quitter