Insights from 1 Corinthians 13
Jealousy often signifies insecurity or a feeling of not having what we think we need or want.
Jealousy can manifest subtly, such as boasting about what we have. People who constantly talk about themselves do not focus on other people. It’s not bad to talk about what God’s doing with us or how we can celebrate and help others, but the problem occurs when we want to only talk about ourselves.
Maybe you belittle others, or a family member constantly belittles you. We tend to view people who do this as obnoxious, but often, it’s because they’re jealous.
My Taste of Jealousy
We moved into this house a few years after my husband retired. It is near a beautiful golf course in the Piney Woods of East Texas. My husband loves golf, but I don’t share his passion. I enjoy put-put golf, but that’s about it.
Soon after we moved in, I started to feel jealous. My husband bought a golf cart and a riding lawn mower to maintain our lawn. He also went on a big vacation with our son, hiking on the Appalachian Trail. I couldn’t help but feel envious. He was enjoying all these activities while I felt left out.
He had fun activities with friends, and I felt jealous whenever he went golfing. It wasn’t the money that bothered me; it was the fact he was having fun doing what he wanted, and I was home alone.
Did I want to go golfing? No, and I didn’t want to maintain a golf cart. Did I want to mow the lawn? No, but I was happy when my husband bought a lawnmower to keep the grass cut and looking nice.
I knew I couldn’t handle a six-day trip on the Appalachian Trail. I didn’t want to sleep on the ground or carry a heavy backpack.
So, I asked myself, “What do I want?”
Jealousy Can Harm Our Marriages
When we want what our spouse has, we get mad at them. We may also be upset when they’re out for a long time and we’re stuck home with sick kids. Or they go to work, and we’re home with toddlers or driving teenagers to their sporting events.
They’ve been away from home for a long time. They get to do everything they want, and we complain, grumble, and gripe.
What Did I Want?
I thought I was lonely, but in reality, I was jealous and needed to figure out what I wanted.
Reflecting on what we genuinely want can be helpful when we envy what someone else has or does. As I took the time to ponder my desires, I realized I wanted to dance. Luckily, there are excellent line dancing groups within a short drive of where I live.
At first, I found some singing groups, as I’ve loved to sing all my life. Then, I lost my singing voice and started playing percussion instruments again.
I wanted to spend time with friends and thoroughly enjoy a coffee shop that had opened near us. I mustered the courage to text several friends, asking them to have coffee with me.
Later, I wanted to explore a new town and see what stores it offered, which I did one day. On another day, I spotted several shops and went inside several to check them out.
The Next Happy Thing
Years ago, when I was struggling, I saw a counselor. He said one way I could get out of the blues was to figure out the next thing I wanted to do.
I made a mental list and went through it until I found one thing I could do. Often, it was a simple thing, like, “I want to eat some chocolate.” “I want to go for a walk. “I want to nap, maybe even brush my teeth.” Then I do it.
6 Biblical Ways to Conquer Jealousy and Be Content
I had to stop focusing on myself and think about what God wanted while I remembered what He had already given me.
1. God will help us overcome jealousy. “When you are tempted, He will show you a way out so that you can endure.” ~1 Corinthians 10:13
2. Knowing God is in control brings peace. “A heart of peace leads to a healthy body; jealousy is like a cancer to the bones.” ~Proverbs 14:30 Peace is what God has given us. Peace God has controlled. When we find joy, joy passes understanding. Otherwise, we get sick.
3. We can learn to be content. “I have learned to be content with whatever I have.” ~ Philippians 4:11 Paul says he learned to be content. Contentment is the antidote to jealousy, helping us find peace instead. It’s our responsibility to pursue our wants and desires within our financial limits, marital status, and life situation. We can learn to be content. It is a definite choice.
4. Trusting God is a daily choice. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.” ~ Proverbs 3:5 We often don’t understand God’s ways or why He does things, but this is where trust comes in. It feels like standing on a diving board, scared to jump into the unknown. Taking the next step sometimes feels like stepping off the deep end, knowing God is still there.
5. Turn to God to find His path forward. “Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take.” ~Proverbs 3:6: When we feel confused or overwhelmed, we must seek God for guidance. He often reveals our next steps one at a time. In moments of uncertainty, I focus on the last thing He told me to do.
6. God will supply everything we need. “And the same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs. ~ Philippians 4:19 God will help us to find a place where we are not jealous. People will always have bigger and better things than we do. They can have more power, money, stuff, travel to more places, beauty, age, or whatever. But we have what we need in the Lord Jesus Christ.
Quick Review
These things help us combat the temptation of jealousy. First, we want to remember that God always helps us when we feel tempted by jealousy.
Proverbs 14:30 says he wants us to have a heart of peace because if not, we’re eating away at ourselves with stress and tension. Anger harms us and can damage marriages.
In Philippians 4, Paul tells us how he learned to be content. Contentment is an antidote to jealousy. While there may be things we want but cannot have, we can explore what is enjoyable and possible within our limitations.
Finding contentment comes from repeatedly taking the next right step to figure out what we can do. Proverbs 3:5- 6 encourages us to trust the Lord in everything, relying on His goodness and wisdom even when we don’t understand everything.
Finally, we acknowledge God in everything we do.
Watch Love is Not Jealous
