If Your Anger Gets Out of Control, Try This  

 Fights, or disagreements, as my husband likes to call them, happen in our marriages.

But most of us haven’t learned to fight well and bring harmony out of difficult situations. 

Instead, an argument erupts, then hurtful words or insults fly back and forth.

Relationships heal when we solve some of the pesky issues that arise because we’re different people.

Instead of fighting: 

• Expect God to work in your lives.
• Search for peace and work to maintain it.
• Decide not to hurt back.
• Seek a solution that works for both of you.
• Learn to discuss one topic at a time.
• Take turns listening.   

Pass the Floor 

My husband and I used a technique called Pass the Floor to avoid a fight over our pesky issues.

We sat on the couch and used a sticky note pad as the designated “Floor.” Whoever held the Floor got to talk, and the other person listened. We kept on topic, shared our ideas, and discussed the issue without a lot of unnecessary emotion. 

When we struggle to resolve a problem, it’s often because one of us doesn’t understand the other’s point of view. The Speaker-Listener technique provides an opportunity to clears the air when both sides of the issue get heard. Then we can work towards a joint resolution.

How to Fix the Problems

• Sit facing each other with no TV or other distractions.
• The Speaker holds the “Floor and uses I sentences to explain how they feel, think, and what they want. “I feel,” “I think,” “I want.”
• The Listener doesn’t speak until they become the Speaker and hold the Floor.
• When the Speaker finishes, they pass the “Floor” to the Listener, who becomes the new Speaker. They paraphrase what they heard and ask questions if necessary before they share their thoughts and ideas.
• Repeat this process: talk when you hold the Floor. Listen and summarize before you share your ideas. Continue until you solve the issue.
• Some topics may need several sessions before you reach an agreeable solution.