I don’t like the word submission. After enduring five years of an abusive marriage in which I tried to fulfill all his demands, the word “submission” evokes negative memories and images of subservience.
When I mention submission, women often roll their eyes or ask, “Do I have to do it his way?” What do we do with a word many of us dislike? The Bible says in Ephesians 5:22,
Submit to your husbands as to the Lord.
Submission Does Not Include Abuse
It’s important to clarify that submission does not include any sexual or physical abuse, nor does it involve any illegal actions.
The term “submission” brought back painful memories from my past. After the abuse I suffered, I found it hard to trust men, including my husband. The concept of submission made me uncomfortable when I defined it incorrectly.
After I married Aaron and became a Christian, I realized I misunderstood what godly submission meant. God intended submission to guide and protect me through my spouse. God would never harm me verbally or lead me astray.
This Command Gave Me the Willes
Although the command to submit may give us the willies, God doesn’t force us to follow our husbands’ lead. Instead, the Lord encourages us to first surrender to Him and allow Him to control our lives. Then, we can follow His commands, which direct us to recognize our spouses’ authority.
When we voluntarily submit to support our husbands’ God-given mission, we demonstrate our love for them. By putting our trust and confidence in the Lord’s wisdom, we learn to respect our husband’s leadership.
God repeated His command for wives to submit to their husbands’ lead multiple times in the Bible because it doesn’t come naturally to us. Each day, we choose as wives: Do we follow our spouse’s leadership or not? We support and honor the man we married out of respect for Christ.
Choose to Follow God in This, Too
Once I understood this command from God, I asked Him to help me correct my attitude. I realized I had to trust God more and believe He would never leave me alone, even when I followed my husband as the head of our household.
We choose to accept Christ as our Lord and Savior. Out of love for Him, we follow His commands. God doesn’t force us to obey Him. He wants us to surrender to His authority with a willing heart. God asks us to submit to our husbands, embrace their leadership, and find ways to support their preferences.
For example, I prepare spaghetti in individual casseroles because I enjoy pepperoni and cheese with the sauce on my noodles, while my husband prefers his pasta with regular sauce.
It Starts with the Little Choices
My husband and I went shopping at a large retail store. As we approached the checkout counter, he stood in one line, and I went to another to make our purchases. “I like my line because it’s shorter, and we’ll get out of here quicker,” he said.
I didn’t want to argue or ruin part of our day over which line to stand in, so I decided to move and stood by my man. We left the store together, feeling at peace with each other. When we go shopping, I ask, “Which line do you want?” or follow him wherever he goes. I figured out how to follow his lead in this small thing.
Become a Woman of Influence
Our ideas, insights, and perspectives can positively influence our husbands’ decisions. Our opinions matter, but when we both try to lead, we act more like two-headed monsters and go nowhere. Instead, we aim to follow our husbands’ leadership and watch how God works in our lives.
Different Roles, Not Superiority
Submission does not imply inequality. God created men and women as equals, assigning them different roles. Neither role is superior. The Trinity models this concept. The Persons in the Godhead are equal in power and substance, but each has a distinct function.
Larry Crab once said, “Submission is resisting the urge to control.” “Respect your husband’s God-given authority. He can’t lead if you won’t follow.”
As Larry Crabb once said, “Submission is resisting the urge to control.” “Respect your husband’s God-given authority. He cannot lead effectively if you do not follow. “
God wouldn’t have instructed us to follow our husbands repeatedly if it came naturally. Following their lead seems easier as we learn to trust in God and improve our communication skills with our husbands.
The more we trust God, the more we learn to adapt and understand how to give our husbands what they desire. Following our husbands’ lead encourages them to be more receptive to our opinions and insights.
From 12 Keys for Marriage Success, Key 9 – Do It His Way.
If you are in an abusive situation, please find help.
Watch Submit First to God Then to Your Husband
