Editor’s Note: This post was originally published in May of 2021 with the title Tired and Frustrated.
It has been updated for accuracy and freshness.
Over the last eight years, since 2018 until now, I have undergone four major surgeries and have experienced a loss of certain functions along the way. I had brain surgery for a Chiari Malformation, which ultimately, after a considerable amount of time, gave me back my life after spending much time in a chair. Following that, I had two neck fusions and a lower back fusion. Throughout this journey, I lost hearing in one ear, and one of my vocal cords became paralyzed while the other was damaged.
I am incredibly grateful for everything the surgeons, technology, and medical support staff have done for me. However, along the way, I also felt tired, frustrated, disappointed, and confused at times.
Questions
During this process, I began to question God. I wondered, “Why did You place me here? How will I complete the things You asked me to do? Is this not the time for those things? Are they meant for a later time?” I know many of you may also wonder if God is present in your struggles, and I want to share that He is always with us, even when we don’t immediately recognize it.
God’s Reassurance from Isaiah 43.
Listen to the Lord who created you. (verse 1)
God, I’m listening. I ache all over. What do You want me to do?
Take your medicine, then wait and trust Me.
I paused, took the medicine, then continued reading.
Don’t be afraid- I have ransomed you. I have called you by name. (verse 1)
When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulties, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not burn up; the flames will not consume you. (verse 2)
You are precious to Me. You are honored, and I love you. (verse 4)
Do not be afraid, for I am with you. I will gather you and your children. I have made them for My glory. (verse 5,7)
You are witnesses, says the Lord. You are My servant. I’ve chosen you, and you have been chosen to know Me. Believe in Me and understand that I alone am God. (verse10)
That last phrase stopped me in my tracks.
I alone am God. (verse 10)
No one can snatch you out of My hand. No one can undo what I have done. (verse13)
Restoration
I experienced God’s presence restoring my trust and confidence in Him, especially as I chose to rely on His plan during my health challenges. He was with me and in control. His peace filled my soul, reminding me that I can depend on His promises even in difficult times.
My prayer is that you will feel God’s reassurance through His words, which can bring comfort and trust, knowing that you are in His hands, lovingly cared for by our all-knowing and all-powerful God. He is actively working in your life, no matter what your circumstances may be.
Moving Forward
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