How do we find time to talk alone with our husbands when the kids are always around? I know it’s a problem. But staying connected to your husband only by text messaging isn’t healthy for your marriage. We need face-to-face conversations to maintain strong relationships.
How do we create those moments and places to have adult conversations?
I’m Joyce, a Board Certified Christian Life Coach who empowers women to transform their marriages and solve the tricky issues of long-lasting relationships.
Over the years, my husband and I found ways to have private discussions, often about our normal daily activities and other conversations strictly for adults. But when and where we connected changed as the kids grew.
Little Kids—
When our boys were toddlers and preschoolers, we made time for adult conversations by putting them to bed early, around 7:30 pm. That gave us a couple of hours to breathe and reconnect as a couple once I figured out how to finish the housework before dinner.
Grade Schoolers –
As our sons got a little older, we established other ways to stay in touch as a couple, particularly on the weekends. We took the boys to a park, and while they played, we walked around the park’s perimeter where we could talk. Or we hiked in the woods or visited a nearby town. We taught our boys to stop at the street corner or an intersection in a forest trail until we caught up with them. If they stayed there, they could continue to be in front of us, which allowed us to have a semi-private conversation.
Teenagers—
Finding time to have adult discussions with my husband became more manageable when the boys entered high school. We enjoyed coffee or tea in our bedroom, where we spoke privately for 15 to 20 minutes. We shared the happenings and stayed connected as a couple without the kids.
Empty Nesters—
We’ve set aside three regular points in our days for in-depth conversations. Our early morning walks provide about 30 minutes to share our thoughts and hear each other’s viewpoints on things we think are important. Last year, we realized we needed to reconnect in the evening after our busy days. We take a half hour before bed to snuggle and talk. Long drives over an hour for a doctor’s appointment, visit with our kids, or dinner out offer fantastic, undisturbed intervals to dream and figure out this new stage of life.
What times and places have you found to talk with your husband without the kids?
